dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
