I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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