I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
