i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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