Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
