WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
