I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
