Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize