T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
