i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
