obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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