Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
