i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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