flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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