i jhust puked up my retainher.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
