Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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