Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am never drinking with the goths again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
