At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
