On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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