Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
