They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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