Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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