So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
