I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize