he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
