I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
