I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
