I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
