And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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