she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
