Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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