you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
