Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
