I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
