Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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