She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
