We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
