She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
