Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
