Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
