I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
