I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
