i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
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