Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's not a walk of shame if you run
how drunk are you?
Several
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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