your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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