I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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