I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
