Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
