Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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