apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
