I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
