Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
