she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
