please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
