hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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