too bad you live with your parents still
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
