I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize