ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
