we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
