I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
