i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
