im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
