TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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