she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
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