He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
