Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm passing your future prison.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize