She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
